Mr #1 - Don't Speak

The preamble:

I'll be honest, most if not all of these dates will have come about from the glorious t'interweb. I'd rather not think it's because I am totally incapable of snaring a date from being a real life person, but quite frankly, I think the virtual me has a lot more luck. Such was the case with Mr #1. Cue some marginally lengthy, rather friendly, relatively chatty emails and the date was secured. Simples.

The man:

Age: 30
Profession: Speech and language therapist
Random factoid: Went to school with Anthony Costa.

First of all, Mr #1 didn't lie about his height, which apparently in the world of online dating is unusual for a man. He is, however, case and point that when someone doesn't post pictures of smiling with teeth on show, there's usually a reason. I won't lie that I was also more than slightly baffled by the grey hoodie / brown pinstripe trouser combo, but hey, you can always change clothes right? He also had a nice friendly face, with questionable sideburns and a nose that had the rouge bespeckling of someone who may have more than once been well-acquainted with a robust Merlot or two. Odd that...as he was teetotal. Or perhaps that was why. I couldn't help thinking that with an ear of corn and some green cord trousers, he would have looked right at home aboard a tractor.

The date:

It's always a little weird when someone's first word to you is 'wow'. I don't know what he meant by that. Perhaps my virtual-to-real-life transition also wasn't as expected, and that's a good go-to to mask disappointment? As it turned out, despite my protesting against food (who wants to be tied down to a potentially guilt-tripping meal on a first date? Not me!), we ended up in Giraffe. I supped a couple of crispy Coronas. He had stir fry and apple juice. It's always awkward eating in front of total strangers, and all in all, he did very well, better than I would have done, that's for sure! That was, however, until he got bored of chopsticks, and went for the knife and fork option, which he held like a three year old in the first throes of cutlery-use. Who holds a fork so far down they're thumbing the duck? Hmm...

Conversation was for the most part good. We covered harps, War and Peace, Jeremy Kyle, I think I managed to escape with my potty-mouthery on this occasion, but as a note to self I might want to take heed of this in future. Also those frog welllies kids had at school in the eighties, phobias of flying, killer cucumbers (how very topical) and the phenomenon of the superinjunction (naughty Giggsy - Mr #1 disapproves), all of which were punctuated with 'ya' as opposed to my casual 'yeah' or more irreverently, 'fuck yeah'.

Memorable Quote:
'I do love trains...I really love train travel...especially now I'm earning good money I like to travel upper class'

Events of note:

A man in a blue Morphsuit walked past along the South Bank. On his own. Undoubtedly my highlight of the evening if nothing else.

The verdict:

All in all, he was a nice boy, with a good brain and plenty of interesting things to say, albeit with an aversion to alcohol and moderately questionable dress sense. However, a proposition of a second date within 50 minutes of parting was not quite so appealing. There was sadly no chemistry, he found me a little bit too funny (which unnerves me, I'm not a performing monkey folks!)... and seemed way too keen after a first date. So don't buy your hats yet folks, bring on Mr #2...whoever he may be.